Post by Josh on Jan 13, 2006 11:47:43 GMT -5
Taken from Chuck Norris Facts
Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Additional Facts:
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor.
I laughed so hard when I read some of these that my eyes started to water and my sides hurt for 20 mins after.
Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Additional Facts:
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor.
I laughed so hard when I read some of these that my eyes started to water and my sides hurt for 20 mins after.
